Kenny Schachter: art dealer, author, collector, artist and art world provocateur.
If I were . . .

Kenny Schachter: art dealer, author, collector, artist and art world provocateur.
If I were . . .

Kenny Schachter, photographer Leon Chew

If I were a CAR, I would be a Lancia – something cool, agile but under the radar and not pretentious. None of which I am, sadly.
If I were a FLOWER, it would be a dandelion. A flower that invites participation by way of making a wish and blowing, but by doing so you dissipate its beauty.
If I were a BOOK – Thomas Mann’s ‘The Magic Mountain’. It’s dense and complex and filled with hidden meanings and symbolisms.
If I were a FILM, it would be ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’ from 1971 starring Gene Wilder: fun, funny and filled with surprises and bizarre aesthetics. And just when you tear up from the sadness and meanness, happiness abounds.
If I were a CITY, it would be New York where I moved after fifteen years in London: aggressive, angst-ridden, hectic, always bustling, somehow humorous where you least expect it. Remind you of anyone?
If I were a SHOE – Asics. Simple, not ostentations; reliable and not too flashy or fashionable, but just enough. Unless you customise the laces like I always do—I am currently sporting red/gold intertwined.
If I were an ICE-CREAM FLAVOUR: Coffee – sweet and tasty with some zing.
If I were a TYPEFACE – Helvetica my absolute favourite go-to font. Classic, not frilly and easy on the eye. What I aspire to be . . .
If I were a COCKTAIL: Gin on the rocks – the fastest, easiest way from A to B. But I stopped drinking a year ago and, as a result, the world is a safer place.
If I were a COLOUR – Blue any shade – on any article of clothing – or better yet, car. Always pleasing to my (brown) eyes.

Read Kenny’s razor-sharp, insightful and hilarious art columns on news.artnet.com

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Kenny Schachter